When I talk to my friends and family, they often tell me that they aren’t sure about what they truly want. There are people who are already in their 40s or 50s who are still saying that they don’t know what it is that they really like.

Why do we live like this, not even knowing our very own minds?

In fact, knowing myself is one of the most difficult thing to do. It is the ultimate question of all philosophy, and all liberal arts also stem from the same question – who am I?

We could study our entire lives and still not know what’s in our own minds. We just get swept from here to there in life, living according to the fixed frames that the world teaches us without being able to get the answer to the most basic question. And then we end up getting old and are left without knowing what it is that I like.

The society does not teach us the most important thing – how to reflect on my mind, to listen to my inner voice, and to acknowledge and comfort myself. While I try to please others and adjust myself to the standard of this society, I just abandon and push myself aside. If you can see this, the answer’s simple. All I need to do is to turn my focus from what’s outside of me to what’s inside in order to get to know myself better. When I start looking at what’s inside my mind, then I start spending more time with myself and can get to know myself in those times.

Here are a few suggestions on what to do in that time that you spend with yourself. These were quite effective for me personally.

1. Try different hobbies that you can enjoy on your own. Reading, taking a walk, listening to music, writing – it helps if they are nothing too grand, easy-to-do things. 

2. When you get used to being alone, take time to reflect on your own mind.

3. Think about the things that you want to do instead of things that you have to do and write them down.

4. Once a month, try and do something bold for yourself – something that you want and is just for yourself.

5. Exercise and meditation are excellent ways to practice self-love.

6. Focus in the present moment

 

While you put these into practice, people around you may criticize you, calling you selfish. But you always need to remember that if you can’t love yourself, then you cannot love anyone else. If you are to be in this present moment and be happy, you need to focus on yourself. I’m not saying you should become a selfish person who only thinks about himself. But you need to realize that always worrying about what others might think of me and trying to fit into their standards out of guilt is also a selfish behavior in a way. I can only listen to other people properly and empathize with them when I can listen to myself first. And it doesn’t take too long to put these things into action. Even after spending time with my own self, I still have plenty of time to spend with the loved ones around me.

The best way to get to know myself is take plenty of time with myself and have a conversation with myself. 

And one of the effective ways to do it is through meditation. Through meditation, you can hear your own voice. When you discover the greed that you had and let it go, you will start to see the things that you can actually do. And when you find and eliminate the inferiority that you have, you will realize that you were actually much more capable than you thought.

The most important thing is to know my true self. It is important to realize that the self that I identify with right now is the false self, and to awaken the true self that has been deep in sleep. When you realize and know yourself like this, you can live in the moment 100%.

To live in the moment is to be free from the regrets of the past and worries about the future. When you know yourself and live in the present, you would also know the ways of the world. In the end, all the answers begin from within myself.

I hope this was helpful for your journey of finding your true self.